My deepest desire is truly to know God better.
Sunday School How-To: Read your Bible, pray, go to church.
I do those things but I never feel closer to God.
I was listening to Air1 today in the car and the radio host was talking between songs about a letter he'd gotten from a lady, and I started crying. She talked about how she never felt God and that made her question her faith or if there was even a God, because if he was so loving, shouldn't she feel him? Then she realized that we aren't the one who draw close to God, He draws close to us. We may try to get closer to Him, but we are human and He is all powerful.
I'm not exactly like this woman, I know unshakably that God is there and that He loves me, but like her I hardly ever feel God. What I realized when listening to her story was that I, despite my whole life in church being told otherwise, was trying to be good enough, do more, find that feeling on my own. I also realized that my faith is stronger because I don't always feel Him, but I know, believe and have faith that He is there.
The Lord loves me, He will never forsake me, He is awesome, beautiful, powerful, gentle, fierce, and holy. I am not good enough, strong enough, humble enough to earn His love or the feeling of it. The Lord Almighty will draw close to me if I seek Him with all my heart. (Jer. 29:13, James 4:8)
It's a huge weight off my shoulders that I don't have to work for the relationship and though I may still not feel Him, that's not the point. I want to know Him and have a deeper understanding of Him. So I'm going to keep reading and praying and fellowshiping but it won't be to earn anything but to know and love Him more.